Rebecca syndrome: Understanding the impact of retroactive jealousy

Comparing yourself to people with whom your partner was previously involved and feeling jealous of those relationships can lead to unconstructive behaviours. This emotional state has its name.

There are relationships in which even a mention of an ex-partner makes the level of insecurity dangerously rise. People who feel this way may often check the profiles of their partner’s exes on social media. They wonder if they are good enough to replace them. As it turns out, this behaviour has a name.

The term "Rebecca Syndrome" was coined by psychoanalyst Dr. Darian Leader. It is inspired by the 1938 novel of the same name by Daphne du Maurier. The book tells the story of a young woman whose relationship is overshadowed by memories of her husband’s deceased wife, Rebecca. Convinced she can never measure up to her predecessor, the unnamed main character begins to fall apart as she tries to emulate Rebecca, which has disastrous consequences.

In reality, Rebecca Syndrome is just a new way of describing something many have experienced - retroactive jealousy. It is an obsessive pattern of behaviour that involves worrying and getting upset over a partner’s romantic past. According to psychotherapist Neil Wilkie, one of the reasons we might feel this way is the mystery surrounding what came before. We often only hear snippets of negative stories.

Clinical psychologist Haikal Jamilson emphasized on Instagram: "This rise of social media has fuelled the increase in cases of Rebecca syndrome. If you are struggling with this jealousy, it is important that you speak to your partner and not fill in the blanks in your narrative as you are very likely to focus on the negatives."

Signs that you might be dealing with Rebecca Syndrome include comparing yourself to previous partners, being unable to stop thinking about the past, and trust issues. In an interview with "Newsweek," psychologist Dr. Louise Goddard-Crawley explained: "This condition is primarily about the affected individual's irrational jealousy and obsession with their partner. This jealousy is rooted in retrospective jealousy, where individuals become obsessively preoccupied with their partner's past relationships, even if there is no rational basis for their jealousy."

These feelings can arise due to a lack of self-confidence or unresolved difficult experiences that must be addressed. It can also be a reaction to issues with communication or commitment in the relationship. Therapy or psychological counselling (individual or couples) can provide insight into what is happening. They can also offer tools to ensure that jealous thoughts do not translate into harmful actions.